Kiss Me Goodbye
by MaryandMerlin
Summary: In the aftermath of Voldemort's attack, Severus finds Lily and Albus finds Severus. Some language, angst, neglect.


**Prompts:**

 **QLFC - Semi Finals -** Goodbye - Apparat ft. Soap and Skin - 'Kiss me goodbye./ For neither ever, nor never,/ goodbye.' (quote) 'Maybe that's part of the nightmare, having just enough freedom thrown at you to tempt you, knowing it's an illusion.' — Grace & Fury, Tracy Banghart; (word) civilisation; (word) authorise

 **HA - Counselling -** Task 2 - Write about a loss

 **365 prompts -** 91\. (word) young

 **Insane House Challenge -** 58\. (character) Severus Snape

 **Scavenger Hunt-** 66\. Write about your least favourite character.

 **Writing Club - Showtime -** (character) Severus Snape

 **Writing Club - Amber's Attic -** 1\. Write about someone losing everything

 **Writing Club - Liza's Loves -** 15\. Write about someone upset/crying

 **Bath Bomb Making Workshop -** Coconut Oil (Severus) + Chamomile (Lily Evans)

 **Word Count: 1011**

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Kiss Me Goodbye

Time appeared to have cease moving, or rather was going so quickly he had no knowledge of its passage. He was only aware of the crust of salt coating his face and the aching in his joints from being locked into position. The noise that he had filtered out, ignoring it with the sheer weight of his own grief, came rushing back in. The sounds of civilisation rang again—cars drove past, thunder rumbled in the distance—but much closer the incessant wails screeched against his eardrums.

Severus turned his head, the movement slow and stilted like his muscles were remembering how to move. His dark eyes regarded the baby dispassionately. He stood, clutching the bars. His face seeming too pale with the addition of a jagged red scar, a lightning bolt seared into his flesh with the force of this miracle. They boy had survived.

His lip began to curl, his face settling into a familiar and comfortable snarl. Of course the boy would survive, he was the image of the bastard with the devil's own luck. James Potter, the unworthy. This tiny child with his face was the reason his arms ached, why his heart broke. The reason Severus would remain alone in the world. This boy had killed Lily, his own, precious Lily.

The thought of her name sparked more remembrance in him and Severus turned his back on the wailing child—his heart hard and cold—and looked into the cradle of his arms. There she lay, as peaceful as if she were sleeping. At least the killing curse had not marred her perfect features. Her skin was still alabaster, sprinkled with the freckles she had so cursed as a child. Her hair was still as wild and firey, tangled and knotted around her head. He could not see her eyes, he would never see them again he knew, but they would be green. Oh, so green.

With a wrenching moan, Severus hunched forward cradling Lily closer now than he had ever been allowed to in life. He had done everything to save her, bargained his very soul to the devil and still it had not been enough. He had gone to the Dark Lord and begged for her life, offered his service, betrayed everyone and everything he held dear. He had expected it to work, given the choice surely Lily would stand aside and save herself that she might live on even to defeat the Dark Lord later. Voldemort had promised, had given his word. Though, his word had proved as solid as smoke. He'd had such plans for them - they would run and hide and build a life together. Red haired children had filled his dreams, with eyes full of green fire. He should have known better, should have known that fire wouldn't flicker. She would protect the boy with her very life, misguided as it was. She didn't know that it was all his fault.

His dreams had become part of the nightmare. Enough of a temptation, the scent and hope of freedom so close he could almost touch it - but of course it was only an illusion. The very reason he loved her so desperately was the same trait that killed her. He began to rock, his initial moans softened to agonised whimpers and time again sped onwards.

X

"Severus." The voice was almost so soft as not to be heard and Severus had the feeling that it wasn't the first time it had spoken. He became aware of a hand resting on his shoulder and when he looked up Albus Dumbledore stood over him. The pale eyes had lost their twinkle, not even in the face of so much devastation could he retain any hope, and they looked around the wreckage of the room with sorrow.

Severus realised it was dark and quiet, night had fallen and —he turned his head— the screaming child had fallen asleep. Good.

"You cannot remain here, Severus." Albus told him softly. He moved past the man crumpled on the floor and walked to the crib. Gently, he lifted the small boy into his arms, stirring him awake. He didn't cry though, perhaps the grief had stolen his voice—it seemed to have stolen Severus' also.

He croaked a noise, it was an unintelligible garble of sounds but even he wasn't sure what he was trying to say. He thought about getting up; Albus was right he couldn't really stay here, but that would disturb Lily. He couldn't disturb Lily.

"Hagrid will be here shortly, to collect the boy. I will be sending him to his Aunt Petunia. I've had the ministry authorise the transfer. She is his next of kin."

Severus felt a spike of disgust at the name. A filthy muggle if ever there was one. Nothing as pure and good as her sister, Petunia had always been a bully and she probably always would be.

Dumbledore turned back to him then and Severus felt naked under the piercing gaze. It was as if he could see into his very soul. He looked hard at Severus, before his eyes flicked down to look at Lily, still cradled in his arms.

"You must say goodbye, Severus," he told him softly and Severus looked down. He wanted to desperately to pretend she was simply sleeping as he looked down at the serene expression she would now wear forever. "Though perhaps not forever."

Curious, Severus looked up at the hesitant tone Albus had used but the wise old man was not looking at him. Rather he gazed at the boy, still and quiet in his arms.

"He has Lily's eyes," he said gently.

For a long moment he looked a the little Potter and then back to the woman in his arms. He had her eyes, his Lily's eyes. It would have to be enough.

Goodbye. He could say goodbye. Not forever, but not never. His arms reacted, pulling her close and tight for a last moment as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. The skin was cool.

"Goodbye."

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 **Much Love, MaryandMerlin x**


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